Guest Writer for this week's blog: Lori Erdman

‘Nuts Win – fielding only nine players, including an old guy plus a gimp who only batted

First, you need to know that I’m not much of a baseball fan, so don’t expect lots of technical terminology. But I love the ‘Nuts and have picked up enough baseball knowledge from assorted boyfriends and I can give you the gist of the game.

And, my notes were abbreviated because Manager Alex asked me to keep score, AND Patti had too many jello shots so I had to keep her organized with the boom box (more on that later), which means I was trying to multi-task, which was difficult. Thank goodness, Connie was keeping score in her head or the ending might have been different. Except for that umpire guy, maybe he was keeping it straight, too. I think that’s part of his job.

So, first, it was really chilly. Not chilly/cold like those of us used to REAL winter weather know, but all those dang, wimpy Californians were shivering and wearing long sleeves and even hats out on the field. And, I’m not talking baseball caps, but woolen winter hats. But, because they were working up a sweat running around catching balls and batting and stuff like that, Kara Perkins could be heard saying she was having trouble seeing because she was fogging up her contacts.

Team Moms Sharon Okashima and Cindy Cordova are sitting out the winter season – probably on some beach somewhere, so the team has had to find ways to spice up the games all on their own. Dawn Locher made potent jello shots for the team, hence Patti’s confusion mentioned earlier. And, for entertainment each team member has his/her own theme song. I’m told each team member selected their own song, but Manager “Gimp” Alex tossed those out for this game and identified different songs. “Why?” you may ask, and the answer is, “because he’s the manager, that’s why”.

The game starts, the ‘Nuts are up to bat first, so we need to get the boom box cranked. Now I don’t have much to report on the first inning for a whole bunch of reasons. Patti doesn’t remember everyone’s name so she needs to ask me every time someone who isn’t Mike “the man in her life” McLean comes up to bat! Then she struggles with the volume, as does the other team. I think maybe our players have a little bit of difficulty focusing too, because Porter switched the song on them. And, because Patti had a few too many of those jello shots she keeps forgetting to switch the song to the new player at bat and I have to remind her. Then Gimp Porter asks me to keep score, so you can see that I pretty much had my hands full and don’t really remember exactly how many players got up to bat, had hits or the outs. I remember the other team being a little angry about the music, but they got one run, so they shut up.

I thought things had settled down by the second inning, but then the ‘Nuts got it in gear. Our at-bat went on forever and ever it seemed. We went through the line-up at least once, which isn’t hard when you only have 10 people playing. And, we scored and scored and scored. My notes pick up when Walter “The Humpty Dance” by Digital Underground Marquez packed the bases by hitting a single. When Alex “Balls to the Wall” by Accept Gibson hits something, that I didn’t record, the ‘Nuts score. Then, hold your breath, Dawn “Shake Your Groove Thing” by Peaches & Herb Locker hits a decent single and gets on base. She’s watching the ball, and hitting the ball and really running to the base. No more prancing for this little player. And, the fans think, what a difference some personal coaching can make, since we can see Connie’s fine hand in this improvement! Then, Robert “I’m Too Sexy” by Right Said Fred Eaton hits it straight up in front of home plate where it drops in fair territory. At least Robert thought it was fair, the catcher thought it was fair, and ‘Nuts fans thought it was fair. But that dang ‘old ump guy calls it foul. Just a couple more notes on this inning and the incredible hitting by our women: Christine “Wild Thing” by Tone Loc Destefano gets her second single of the inning. Caron “Diva Mega Remix” Oberg hits this great line drive that goes over the head of the third baseman, but then it goes foul. But, we’re all quite impressed, as is she. The ‘Nuts score 7!

Then the other team is up to complete the second inning, and of course don’t do anything so spectacular as our team, and the inning ends when one of their players flies out to another magnificent new addition to the team, Jason “Won’t Get Fooled Again” by The Who Ahearn. Score at the end of the second: ‘Nuts 7, Big Ballers 1.

On to the third: Alex “Jump Around” by House of Pain Porter gets a single and limps to first before they get the ball there. He’s amazed and we all holler for a pinch runner. Kara “O.P.P.” by Naughty by Nature Perkins gets a single. Walter gets a beautiful double, the other team can’t get to the ball and Alex scores. They try to take Kara out at third, but she stands her ground. The score is 10-1. Mike “Bad to the Bone” by George Thorogood & the Destroyers McLean is up and I don’t need to prompt Patti to queue the boom box. Even though Mike flies out, Patti declares that Mike’s song is “so going in my wedding reception”. Dawn scores – when did she get on base again? Ah, well. By then Amy “on the injured reserves list” Ahearn and Roxy have joined the fans. Then this strange guy in red joins us because he likes the music. But he’s being supportive so we let him stay.

Connie raises the possibility the ‘Nuts may actually mercy another team. Yes, MERCY. Could it be possible? Then the other team comes up to bat. Jason and Alex G. or “Gibby” need to introduce themselves as both let a fly ball drop between them. But, all the fans are on their feet at the fence, still elated and looking for a mercy rule and offering to come up with songs for the other team. Connie’s seat cushion has been retired. Then Robert volleyball rolls after a pickle (we don’t want to tell him his jersey is dirty). Connie tells me to write “Player pickled but nobody drunk”, which I think is one of those technical baseball terms. You figure it out. But, the ‘Nuts are still winning 12-5.

We’re in the fourth inning now and Jason gets on first. Patti is holding out hope that she might get to eat dinner, since Mike told her stopping after the game depended on how the team did. Patti does a great imitation of Mike, by the way. Dawn hits another single, getting on base for the third time this game!! Christine strikes out. No scoring by the ‘Nuts this inning. We then notice that the other team has a videographer and we’re all missing Jacob.

Some comments on fielding. The throws from Mike (at third) and Alex G (at short) to Christine (at first) are a beautiful thing. Robert is pitching a great game. Kara makes the most incredible catch, running hard from right field, glove extended way out in front of her, right into the webbing. We tell the other team she does it every game! Gibby makes a leaping catch to clinch the 3rd out. But, they got 3 runs, so the score is 12-8. WE’RE STILL WINNING! Amy notes the team is “en fuego”.

Fifth inning. Caron walks – what a good eye she’s developed. Gibby singles when the other team bobbles the ball. Kara singles, but they get Gibby out at 2nd. Mike singles and Caron scores. Dawn strikes out, first time in the game, and blames it on Darryl’s arrival with his daughter. The bases loaded again, but they get the final out. The other team is up and out and the ump tells us there are 9 minutes left – what the heck has happened? The score is 13-8. WE’RE STILL WINNING!

Lori gets three people to do the wave with her.

This is it, the final inning. The ‘Nuts have not been mercied, in fact, they’re scoring and playing an incredible game. We taste victory. Patti thinks she’s going to eat. Caron gets a single and Jason advances to 3rd. Kara gets to 1st. Wally fills the bases. Then they get the third out. We got one run and the score is 14-8.

Since they are the home team they get to bat last and start putting players on base. Our team if falling apart. We’re dropping the ball, and the throws to first are a little wild, and we’ve all seen this type of inning before, but not when the game is on the line for goodness sake. The fans are starting to panic and remember fondly that moment during the 3rd inning when Connie mentioned the mercy rule. So it’s the bottom of the 6th, the tying run is on 1st. One of their better guys is at bat, but Robert hangs tough and gets him to swing and STRIKEOUT. The ‘Nuts win 14-13.

Victory is sweet. What a great game. Can’t wait until next week.