Game #4: Starting to Smell Fear

Editor's note: (Wait, who am i kidding, there is no editor) Due to the amazingness of this week's jello shots and the potent supernatural power of the electric day-glo punch, some details of the game may be a bit fuzzy, inaccurate or just plain wrong. Play along!

So with a name like YardRats we weren't sure what to expect, so prior to the game "Cabo Caron" circulated the Webster's Dictionary definition of yardrat:

Prison inmate. The career choice most high school dropouts make, particularly in Florida (Hmmmm ... maybe the Chancellor know something about this). Characterized by a crew cut, numerous tattoos, earrings, a positive THC drug test any day of the year, 3 dollars in his pocket, a least one DUI or future DUI, low self-esteem, and a trailer or apartment he shares with other yardrats.

Right on!!! Sounds like we're playing a team made up of my ex-boyfriends!! This is going to be good! OK, so did i mention the jello shots were super duper amazing this week? Embracing the theme of Mexican week and taking it to the next level, Team Moms Cindy "I Know Where the Best Mexican Supermarkets Are" Cordova and Sharon "I'll Coordinate My Outfit to Match the Punch" Okashima supplied all the goodies such as the coveted Tequila Lime and Strawberry Vodka jello shots, the electric punch, otter pops, and most amazingly, the Taco Bell run for the border! There were so many snacks and treats in the stands we struggled to pay attention for awhile so we'll start off somewhere toward the beginning of the game ....

... when Manager Alex whiffed ... again! (Remember last week?) But at least this week he went down swinging spectacularly! Someone call that man a chiropractor! The next two batters went down in order so i guess it really didn't matter anyway. At this point we think everyone just wanted to get back to the dugout in a hurry to get more jello shots so we'll wait for the next inning to see some offensive fireworks.

And that's exactly what happened! Raquel "terror on the basepaths" Bazan walked to lead off the inning (it was actually more like a skip-dee-lou). Then Robert "Hot Pants" Eaton's line drive is caught by the first baseman who tries to double off Raquel ... but WAIT! don't they know who she is? do they not read their advance scouting reports? Raquel dives HEAD FIRST back to the bag, eats dirt and is like TOTALLY SAFE! doi! we don't call her "little rickey henderson" for nuthin'! She looked totally tough and cute at the same time when she was cleaning off her dirty uniform and simultaneously waving to her little nieces in the stands. and most importantly, her hair remained that perfect style of messy-but-not-too-messy!!! yay!! What a role model!

So then Sean and Dawn (hey! that rhymes) walk, and up strides Walter "I Finally Decide to Show Up for a Game" Marquez. Now that it's the second inning and the 'Nuts still have no runs we really are sensing a need to get this fiesta started. Cindy, ever the team player, promised Walter some alone time in the elevator if he knocks in these runs!! Sadly, this must have distracted poor walter who grounded out or something like that. The umpire announced the score to the crowd as 10-0, and Dori "Team Optimist" Fujikawa was like "oh!!!! we have ten!!!!!" SEE? That's the kind of love, support and belief we all have in the 'Nuts! And it all gives us something to strive for .... someday we WILL be the team with 10!

But not tonight. the YardRats scored a bunch more runs. But there is a little light beginning to shine. This one 'rat hit the ball waaaay far into the outfield, but due to our amazing defensive abilities, he was only able to reach FIRST BASE. HA! this must be his first time playing.

Now it's our turn to score some runs! Criselle "how's my hair" Espiritu looked fabulous and had on a really cute outfit but struck out. She tried to talk the umpire out of it, but sadly, she kept her jersey buttoned the whole time. criselle, criselle, criselle, if you want to get those calls going your way, you need to lose the buttons. just ask dawn!

But Manager Alex "I'll be in Traction Tomorrow" Porter singled, and Marydale got on base next! Somehow Walter scores, which is amazing since no one recalls how he got on base, and then Mike McLean gets a double when the 'rats overthrow second! I know it's early, but the 'Rats are starting to show cracks!!! WE'RE IN THEIR HEADS!!! Kara "Visors are Hot" Perkins smells fear and decides to attack like it's shark week! She blows everyone away by getting one of the hottest hits in the game .... a stand-up triple!!! and she even knows what to do after it as she stands on her base, gloves still on, hands on hips!!! it's like the hottest stance since george costanza posed in his boxers on that chaise lounge! She knocked in two or three runs or so to once again boost her standings in the league RBI race! yay kara!

The next innings get fuzzy as the jello buzz sets in, but in no particular order sean walks, robert scores, amy singles, walter gets an RBI single, raquel strikes out, alex grounds out. Then Jenna "blue shoes" Purcella blasts a 2-RBI single!!! Mike follows with a big blast to the outfield and dawn wraps things up with a very sassy groundout.

We're about to start our final inning and the score is a very respectable 14-6. THERE WILL BE NO MERCY RULE TONIGHT! Sean "The Boyle" Boylan brings the heat and totally strikes out his first batter of the game ..... a BOY!!!! HA! that's comedy right there and provides the spirited crowd the perfect opportunity to heckle the other team. who are the tough guys now, yard rats?? The rest of the inning was a defensive gem as both Robert and Mike made nice outfield catches. This was a very rare instance of "three up, three down" for the other team!!! major milestone for the 'nuts!! yay!!

so we lead off the final inning with a walk by Robert. Then criselle is up and hits the ball to shortstop, but she doesn't merely run .... she skips, flirts and giggles her way to first, bouncing down the basepath like a baywatch lifeguard. This approach may not lead to many batting titles, but it perfectly works as a strategery to distract the other team's males as Robert scores unnoticed from third!!! this is like the best play ever!

So now it's 14-7 and the crowd is going 'nuts!!! we're only down by one touchdown!! but there's some crazy rule where the game is called due to "time" which is completely mysterious to me because this beautiful game is played without a clock... but the Rats get one more time to bat and they score some more runs and then the game is called. I think we should get to bat last since we're behind, but the ump ain't havin' it (reminder to self: no buttons for me next week either).

The final tally is 19-7 and the 'Nuts are amazing because they scored SEVEN WHOLE RUNS and NONE OF THEM WERE FLUKES. Another highlight was the other team did not get ANY home runs. And they had a guy totally blast the ball only to get one base! i mean, HA! (By the way he looked over at me when i heckled him and looked kinda cute. If someone playing first base wants to hand him my phone number next time, that would be cool). And perhaps our biggest hit was saved until after the game when Amy lobbed our baseball-shaped pinata to Mike "Hot Pepper" McLean, who blasted the thing wide open as it sprayed jalepenos and mexican candy on everyone! good times!! the first blast wasn't caught on video (and like Madonna taught us, what's the point of doing something if it's not in front of a camera), so we restuffed the pinata and busted it open again!! just as much fun the second time around.

thanks to our growing legion of fans who showed up!! boyfriends, girlfriends, nieces, sisters, co-workers, spouses, fiances! Big upps to Patti, who bought into the Mexican spirit and provided the sombreros and maraccas!

for those of you who missed the after-party at the Regal Begal (or lapalapa, if that's what you prefer), there was a mad dance-off! all the ladies made a big circle on the dance floor, a la "you got served!" there was some tag teaming ... cancun/cabo caron swivelled her hips like a hula queen... everyone got their turn in the spotlight! good times! and remember, lesson #2 from madonna ... those who win on the dance floor are the REAL winners!