Mixed Nuts
Why not a little Nuts joke to kick things off….
A doctor at an insane asylum, decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well.
As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up nuts!" The inmates complied by standing up.
After the anthem he yelled, "Down Nuts!" They all sat.
After a home run he yelled, "Cheer Nuts!" They all broke into applause and cheers.
Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress.
Finding his assistant, he asked what happened. The assistant replied, "Well...everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, "PEANUTS!"
Hee-hee…I crack myself up! Anyway…you loved it….right? Okay so before I get to the real important stuff I was just wondering if anyone else saw the meteor shower…you know…other than Amy’s head? Just asking…cause I’m thinking maybe we blame it on falling debris from the Jet Blue flight overhead…in which case we could sue (we could right Punkie?)…and get some money for Jell-o shots…just a thought…
Anyway…things kicked off Thursday night with Duke…the new spokesman for Speedstick…on the mound for the Gold Nuts. The Cleaner leads off for the Black Nuts and away we go…They set the tone early on as Mike is on base with a single…Theresa follows with a double and Randy a triple…dust is flying…meteors are flying (duck Amy!) and the Black Nuts are on the board. Duke the Speedstick stops Meaghan by making a nice little catch…but Double D takes it back as he slams a single…Raquel takes her base and before we know it the BNs (Black Nuts) are up by 3! Duke manages to hold them with another nice catch…and he throws to Staci at 1st for out #3…work it!
Bottom of the 1st…Double D takes the mound for his Nuts and away we go…get ready people…here’s where it gets good! Duke the Speedstick is up…he’s looking like he is going for those trees way out there…or that gutter thing way out there…or the next state over…he hits a double…Staci is up next with another double…and Paul “Boo-ya” Santana is also on with a double! Hey…they just hit three doubles off of Double D!…Did anyone else get that?
Anyway…KP keeps things going with a single (just to change things up a bit) and Bill follows up with a smoking triple (duck Amy!)…The Goldie Nuts are on the board! Meaghan decides she has had enough and makes sure she gets the 1st out…hit right to her…but not before Jose “Every Time” works in another tee-riple…that’s hot…But not to Meaghan…who makes sure Randy makes the next play at 1st for 2…then up comes Derek…who is so f-ing fast I dropped my taco in amazement…he slams a triple. The Gold’s Gym Nuts have like 6 runs now…Meaghan has REALLY had enough and makes sure Darryl makes the play to her at 1st for 3…phew…it is now 6 – 3…we have the makins’ of a pretty good game here peeps…work it!
Top of the 2nd…Mike “the new Alex” leads off for the Darryl Nuts…he is on with a double…and well…that was it…cause the Gold Medal Nuts stopped em’ cold as Duke made the first out at 1st for 1…the Duke “striked” out the next batter (that’s you Puhols) for 2…and finally a nice Bill (duck Amy!) to Staci play at 1st for 3! To the bottom…
Same thing…different inning…the BNs have been “strategerizing” and send Double D back to the mound…the Golden Bear Nuts only manage 1 hit…(that’s you Boo-ya)…while the BN’s stop them cold with Meaghan making a great catch for 1…J-Dawg to Meaghan for 2…and the Double D strike out for 3…hey…is that “dirt” on his hand?
Top O’ the 3rd…Speedstick to the mound….away we go…anyone want a pickle? Hold please…it’s coming! Somewhere after Duke’s 2nd strike out of the evening…Randy is on with a single…the Double D then manages a “what appears to be” great hit headed way the heck out there…until…the Boo-ya snags it…the ‘unsuspecting’ Randy meanwhile is filing his nails at 1st…and after a little dancing around is picked off for the evening’s first double play…hot! To the bottom…
I’m not sure who leads off for the “Gold is the New Red” Nuts but we’ll say that it’s Staci…who is easily on with a single…Bill brings her in with a smoking hot double (duck Amy!)…and with some help from Dianna and Jose there are 2 more runs on the board…meanwhile the other Nuts make some great plays as Randy and Meaghan make the “hot” play of the game at 1st for 1…I mean what a throw….what a catch…hot! Then Randy throws to Jeanine at 2nd for 2…and then someone (sorry…I missed it…I mean a girl’s gotta eat…right?) throws to Meaghan again for 3…and Meaghan is looking very MVPish tonight I’d say!
Top O’ the 4th…does anyone know the score of the Cardinal’s game? Oh…sorry I digress…let’s see…not much to write home about during this inning folks…but there was some great D…Duke throws to Staci at 1st for 1…Derek makes like a really great catch for 2…and then another Duke to Staci play at 1st for 3…that’s what I’m talking about! To the bottom…
Now…there’s some action during this round…Duke “who needs some Speedstick by now” Low leads off for the Golden Oldies Nuts in the almost “Triple Wicket” hit of the game…which became known as the fist “home run” of the game…the hits keep coming as Paul works a single…Bill works a triple (duck Amy!)…and Sin-D takes her base…she serious man! 4 more runs are on the board…but not without some more from the Meaghan and Randy Show...as Meaghan makes the first play at 1st for 1…how does she get people to hit right to her? Then J-Dawg (I’d rather be watching the Cardinals game) throws to her for 2…and Repeat Randy makes a great catch for 3…dang…I tired now…so much action...en fuego!
Top O’ the 5th…score is 12 – 4….right? Hold please I’ll check with Dennis and Richard…who are keeping me in line up here in the stands…yep…12 – 4…Mike leads off for the BNs and takes his base…Look out G-Old Nuts…BNs want the title! The hits keep coming as the Cleaner is on with a single…Theresa slams a single…and Meaghan slams a single…3 runs score and its now a 12 – 7 game….I confirm with my staff…yep…12 – 7! To the bottom…
The Gold-digger Nuts step up with another home run from The Duke…then Derek is on with a double and with some help from Staci 2 runs are in…the BN’s hold em’ with some more great plays with a Mike to Meaghan play at 1st for 1…a Randy to Meaghan play at 1st for 2…and a great catch by Theresa out there in the meteor debris field for 3…nice!
Top O’ the 6th…like will this game ever end cause I really want to finish my tacos!? Anyway…Double D leads off for the Darryl Nuts and manages a very nice triple…Brian “we Be-Lee-Ve” doubles…and Julie singles (let’s just forget about the “picking-off at 3rd” incident) cause that was a nice hit! The BNs add on another run…the Gold Strike Nuts aren’t worried and manage to make some great plays…you know…like that pick-off incident (sorry Julie) for 1…then Bill throws to Staci (duck Amy!) for 2…and finally Duke throws to Staci for 3…that’s hot! The score is now…hold please…14 – 8…but we not done…and my tacos are getting colder…so wrap it up Nuts…wrap it up!
Paul starts things off for the “All That Glitters is Not Gold Nuts” and crushes one to right center…and then…. Here’s one fan’s version of what happened next…Paul the Boo-ya really…really wanted to score…so he was making it happen…Darryl on the other hand was trying to get the ball unstuck from the “dirt” on his hand when he sees Paul skipping along towards home…he runs in to make the play…but at the worst moment the ball lets go and plops to the ground…allowing Paul to run right past home plate…past the umpire…through the field and through the woods…as the dust clears Darryl realizes that Paul hasn’t touched the plate…hmmmm…how very convenient! As Paul makes this realization half way to “Grandma’s House” he tries to get back to the plate in time…but too late…Darryl is waiting…and he out! Thanks for the show guys…it really made our evening! There are other versions floating around out there...some involve Randy having a good arm...others say that DD was in the way and there’s no way Paul could have touched home without taking DD out...and we all remember what happened the last time Paul took someone out at home plate…Bill also singles (keep ducking Amy)…but that’s like it cause the BN’s want one more turn...here it is...
OK…now to the “lastest” inning…thank God! Who’s on first? I mean I don’t even know what is going on anymore…oh…Meaghan is up…and she singles…again! J-Dawg takes his base…the Cleaner singles….and Randy repeats with a triple! Oh those Rold Gold Nuts are starting to sweat…the score is now 14 – 11…time for some defense…so…Bill throws to Staci (duck duck goose Amy!) for 1…Duke makes a strike-out for 2…and Bill makes a great catch for 3…should I say it…should I? One last time for the cheap seats…DUCK AMY!
Great game Nuts and Nuts and fans…the Gold Bullion Nuts can claim a victory…we’ll see you at the rematch…December 7th…work it!
Now for a few stats...quotes...and random useless facts:
1. Number of times someone asked, “who is that player again?” – 50
2. Number of times someone answered the question above with, “I think they are a friend of Bills.” – 50
3. Number of triples? - 7
4. Number of doubles? – 7
5. Number of outs made by Meaghan? - 11
6. Number of outs made by Duke? - 9 (Not even Dontrelle Willis has that many fingers and toes)
7. Number of colors found in and around Amy’s black eye (remember the meteor)? – 5
And here they are in no particular order...
a. Purple
b. Green
c. Red
d. Yellow
e. Pink
8. Number of plays on the “Gold Nuts” new name…found in this write-up? Like way too many…if you counted you have way too much time on your hands...Holla!
A doctor at an insane asylum, decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well.
As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up nuts!" The inmates complied by standing up.
After the anthem he yelled, "Down Nuts!" They all sat.
After a home run he yelled, "Cheer Nuts!" They all broke into applause and cheers.
Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress.
Finding his assistant, he asked what happened. The assistant replied, "Well...everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, "PEANUTS!"
Hee-hee…I crack myself up! Anyway…you loved it….right? Okay so before I get to the real important stuff I was just wondering if anyone else saw the meteor shower…you know…other than Amy’s head? Just asking…cause I’m thinking maybe we blame it on falling debris from the Jet Blue flight overhead…in which case we could sue (we could right Punkie?)…and get some money for Jell-o shots…just a thought…
Anyway…things kicked off Thursday night with Duke…the new spokesman for Speedstick…on the mound for the Gold Nuts. The Cleaner leads off for the Black Nuts and away we go…They set the tone early on as Mike is on base with a single…Theresa follows with a double and Randy a triple…dust is flying…meteors are flying (duck Amy!) and the Black Nuts are on the board. Duke the Speedstick stops Meaghan by making a nice little catch…but Double D takes it back as he slams a single…Raquel takes her base and before we know it the BNs (Black Nuts) are up by 3! Duke manages to hold them with another nice catch…and he throws to Staci at 1st for out #3…work it!
Bottom of the 1st…Double D takes the mound for his Nuts and away we go…get ready people…here’s where it gets good! Duke the Speedstick is up…he’s looking like he is going for those trees way out there…or that gutter thing way out there…or the next state over…he hits a double…Staci is up next with another double…and Paul “Boo-ya” Santana is also on with a double! Hey…they just hit three doubles off of Double D!…Did anyone else get that?
Anyway…KP keeps things going with a single (just to change things up a bit) and Bill follows up with a smoking triple (duck Amy!)…The Goldie Nuts are on the board! Meaghan decides she has had enough and makes sure she gets the 1st out…hit right to her…but not before Jose “Every Time” works in another tee-riple…that’s hot…But not to Meaghan…who makes sure Randy makes the next play at 1st for 2…then up comes Derek…who is so f-ing fast I dropped my taco in amazement…he slams a triple. The Gold’s Gym Nuts have like 6 runs now…Meaghan has REALLY had enough and makes sure Darryl makes the play to her at 1st for 3…phew…it is now 6 – 3…we have the makins’ of a pretty good game here peeps…work it!
Top of the 2nd…Mike “the new Alex” leads off for the Darryl Nuts…he is on with a double…and well…that was it…cause the Gold Medal Nuts stopped em’ cold as Duke made the first out at 1st for 1…the Duke “striked” out the next batter (that’s you Puhols) for 2…and finally a nice Bill (duck Amy!) to Staci play at 1st for 3! To the bottom…
Same thing…different inning…the BNs have been “strategerizing” and send Double D back to the mound…the Golden Bear Nuts only manage 1 hit…(that’s you Boo-ya)…while the BN’s stop them cold with Meaghan making a great catch for 1…J-Dawg to Meaghan for 2…and the Double D strike out for 3…hey…is that “dirt” on his hand?
Top O’ the 3rd…Speedstick to the mound….away we go…anyone want a pickle? Hold please…it’s coming! Somewhere after Duke’s 2nd strike out of the evening…Randy is on with a single…the Double D then manages a “what appears to be” great hit headed way the heck out there…until…the Boo-ya snags it…the ‘unsuspecting’ Randy meanwhile is filing his nails at 1st…and after a little dancing around is picked off for the evening’s first double play…hot! To the bottom…
I’m not sure who leads off for the “Gold is the New Red” Nuts but we’ll say that it’s Staci…who is easily on with a single…Bill brings her in with a smoking hot double (duck Amy!)…and with some help from Dianna and Jose there are 2 more runs on the board…meanwhile the other Nuts make some great plays as Randy and Meaghan make the “hot” play of the game at 1st for 1…I mean what a throw….what a catch…hot! Then Randy throws to Jeanine at 2nd for 2…and then someone (sorry…I missed it…I mean a girl’s gotta eat…right?) throws to Meaghan again for 3…and Meaghan is looking very MVPish tonight I’d say!
Top O’ the 4th…does anyone know the score of the Cardinal’s game? Oh…sorry I digress…let’s see…not much to write home about during this inning folks…but there was some great D…Duke throws to Staci at 1st for 1…Derek makes like a really great catch for 2…and then another Duke to Staci play at 1st for 3…that’s what I’m talking about! To the bottom…
Now…there’s some action during this round…Duke “who needs some Speedstick by now” Low leads off for the Golden Oldies Nuts in the almost “Triple Wicket” hit of the game…which became known as the fist “home run” of the game…the hits keep coming as Paul works a single…Bill works a triple (duck Amy!)…and Sin-D takes her base…she serious man! 4 more runs are on the board…but not without some more from the Meaghan and Randy Show...as Meaghan makes the first play at 1st for 1…how does she get people to hit right to her? Then J-Dawg (I’d rather be watching the Cardinals game) throws to her for 2…and Repeat Randy makes a great catch for 3…dang…I tired now…so much action...en fuego!
Top O’ the 5th…score is 12 – 4….right? Hold please I’ll check with Dennis and Richard…who are keeping me in line up here in the stands…yep…12 – 4…Mike leads off for the BNs and takes his base…Look out G-Old Nuts…BNs want the title! The hits keep coming as the Cleaner is on with a single…Theresa slams a single…and Meaghan slams a single…3 runs score and its now a 12 – 7 game….I confirm with my staff…yep…12 – 7! To the bottom…
The Gold-digger Nuts step up with another home run from The Duke…then Derek is on with a double and with some help from Staci 2 runs are in…the BN’s hold em’ with some more great plays with a Mike to Meaghan play at 1st for 1…a Randy to Meaghan play at 1st for 2…and a great catch by Theresa out there in the meteor debris field for 3…nice!
Top O’ the 6th…like will this game ever end cause I really want to finish my tacos!? Anyway…Double D leads off for the Darryl Nuts and manages a very nice triple…Brian “we Be-Lee-Ve” doubles…and Julie singles (let’s just forget about the “picking-off at 3rd” incident) cause that was a nice hit! The BNs add on another run…the Gold Strike Nuts aren’t worried and manage to make some great plays…you know…like that pick-off incident (sorry Julie) for 1…then Bill throws to Staci (duck Amy!) for 2…and finally Duke throws to Staci for 3…that’s hot! The score is now…hold please…14 – 8…but we not done…and my tacos are getting colder…so wrap it up Nuts…wrap it up!
Paul starts things off for the “All That Glitters is Not Gold Nuts” and crushes one to right center…and then…. Here’s one fan’s version of what happened next…Paul the Boo-ya really…really wanted to score…so he was making it happen…Darryl on the other hand was trying to get the ball unstuck from the “dirt” on his hand when he sees Paul skipping along towards home…he runs in to make the play…but at the worst moment the ball lets go and plops to the ground…allowing Paul to run right past home plate…past the umpire…through the field and through the woods…as the dust clears Darryl realizes that Paul hasn’t touched the plate…hmmmm…how very convenient! As Paul makes this realization half way to “Grandma’s House” he tries to get back to the plate in time…but too late…Darryl is waiting…and he out! Thanks for the show guys…it really made our evening! There are other versions floating around out there...some involve Randy having a good arm...others say that DD was in the way and there’s no way Paul could have touched home without taking DD out...and we all remember what happened the last time Paul took someone out at home plate…Bill also singles (keep ducking Amy)…but that’s like it cause the BN’s want one more turn...here it is...
OK…now to the “lastest” inning…thank God! Who’s on first? I mean I don’t even know what is going on anymore…oh…Meaghan is up…and she singles…again! J-Dawg takes his base…the Cleaner singles….and Randy repeats with a triple! Oh those Rold Gold Nuts are starting to sweat…the score is now 14 – 11…time for some defense…so…Bill throws to Staci (duck duck goose Amy!) for 1…Duke makes a strike-out for 2…and Bill makes a great catch for 3…should I say it…should I? One last time for the cheap seats…DUCK AMY!
Great game Nuts and Nuts and fans…the Gold Bullion Nuts can claim a victory…we’ll see you at the rematch…December 7th…work it!
Now for a few stats...quotes...and random useless facts:
1. Number of times someone asked, “who is that player again?” – 50
2. Number of times someone answered the question above with, “I think they are a friend of Bills.” – 50
3. Number of triples? - 7
4. Number of doubles? – 7
5. Number of outs made by Meaghan? - 11
6. Number of outs made by Duke? - 9 (Not even Dontrelle Willis has that many fingers and toes)
7. Number of colors found in and around Amy’s black eye (remember the meteor)? – 5
And here they are in no particular order...
a. Purple
b. Green
c. Red
d. Yellow
e. Pink
8. Number of plays on the “Gold Nuts” new name…found in this write-up? Like way too many…if you counted you have way too much time on your hands...Holla!
posted by Caron at 10:47 AM
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