Yo Ho, Yo Ho, A Pirate's Life For Me
By Caron and Christine
…So a pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head.
The Bartender asks, “Hey pirate, why you got a paper towel on your head?”
The pirate answers…“Arrrr I got a Bounty on me head…Arrrrr.”
Ahoy Mateys and welcome to Pirate Night if ye dare…thanks Lori and Patti for bringing everything a pirate could ask for, save the plank. And special props to Lori Redfearn for sporting the best darn pirate costume (complete with talking parrot) we’ve ever seen…you hot!
Now to the action…Game 1…we didn’t know what to expect at first since someone said these guys were undefeated … but that just can’t be! They have a guy in jeans out there! I mean, no way! We’ve got a chance…Nuts bat first…Steve “the new Pischer” AKA: “Cap’n Quincy Ropeburn” Stuhr leads off…he takes his base, then Duke “Tiny Hugo Slasher” Low rips a triple, Paul “Cap’n Argus Firecrotch” Santana doubles…Nuts are off to a great start with a 2 – 0 lead. I know, I know…let’s sing a round of Yo Ho a Pirate’s Life for Me the first of like a million rounds…drink up me ‘earties yo-ho!
Nuts to the field yo-ho…Duke makes the first out…I forget how but it was hot…Alex “Fartin’ Rupbert Slaughter” gets the second, and Duke again for the third…but the Village Idiots somehow tie it up…Arrrr walk the plank ye! Onward yo-ho!
Nuts bat again…get ready it’s about to get really good! Jose “Pirate Ezekiel the Sword Test Dummy” leads off with a single, Sin-D “Gorgeous Jackie Morgan” Cordova takes her base, Eustacio “Cap’n Harvey Greybeard” takes his base, Rebecca “Apathetic Adele Cutty” singles and then big gun Alex steps up and sends the Idiots spinning with a Bad News Bears triple…whoop that trick! Next up…the Monstuhr…he slams a another triple….Kara “Pirate Darby the Pale” hits a double and when the dust settles we’ve got our booty…7 runs! The Nuts are smokin’ hot…my pencil is smokin’ hot…and the fans are en fuego…the parrot is…well he fell off his perch we’ll just say. Even the catcher for the Village Idiot team pleaded “Can’t we just get a pirate out!?!??!”
Next round…Nuts take the field and it’s a quickie…which is good cause I would rather get back to the good stuff! Sue “Sword Jugglin’ Suzy” makes a great stop, throws to Kara for out number 1…KP makes out number 2 and Eustacio for 3. Great fielding Nuts…now on to more scoring.
Beats me who leads off…but I think it was Paul with a Home Run…we love those... Aye! Then Sue takes her base, Jose doubles and Eustacio singles…more please! Rebecca singles, Criselle “Butterfingers Alena” takes her base (you look hot! But let’s add some highlights to the hair for summer). Now the bases are loaded….I said Loaded….Loaded and here comes the Monstuhr!
Now…everyone reading this should probably sit down for this one…Nuts make history….the first Grand Slam ever…I mean we all go nuts….even the parrot! Grand slam…grand slam people!
Let’s take a break after that action to catch our breath…how about another pirate joke:
What do you call a hot girl pirate?
Aye Candy!
Back to the show…Kara keeps things going with a single, Duke slams another home run…pause…I said another home run! Monique “Tax Evadin’ Amy Bones” hits a single and we keep going…Paul feels left out…so he hits a home run all the way to the bushes! The other team can’t even find it! “Just call it a day,” says fan Judy Bothello (I know that’s not how you spell her last name, but I just like the idea of a name having the word ‘hello’ in it.) Sue takes her base, Jose singles, Sin-D takes her base, Eustacio singles and when its over we have 13 more runs and the Idiots have sent several pitchers to the plank!
Back to the field…Duke throws to Kara for out number 1, Monstuhr makes a “Pischeresque” catch for 2 – his glove never even touches the ground! Holla! -- and Duke makes another great catch for 3…we hold the Idiots…and the score at the end of the 3rd (the longest inning ever) is 22-2…we have the 22 by the way…is it OK that I feel bad for the Idiots at this point? Or maybe I just know how that kind of annihilation feels!
Our turn for more…I think we tired! But like Dick Clark (or was it Casey Kasem?) said, the hits just keep on comin’! Switch-hitting Alex leads off with a double, Steve makes it a single, and Kara doubles…Duke keeps it going with one of those hits he eyes like a juicy meatball and then does that little skip thing as the ball makes its way to him…kind of like Happy Gilmore before he smashed the hell out of a golf ball and we pick up 3 more runs…Mercy, Mercy me...right? Hey Blue, where is that Mercy call?
Well something wakes up the Idiots in the 4th because they manage to pick up 8 runs. We won’t go into the details except to say that Criselle made the stop of the game…she ain’t no “Butterfingers,” she hot! We fans are getting’ hungry and want some Grog so wrap it up Nuts, wrap it up! They decide allowing 8 runs is enough and Duke “nice flip” Low puts it to bed. The game would have been over earlier if Alex “brain fart” Porter, Mr. “I’m not the manager so I’m not going to keep track of how many outs there are” threw to kara for out number 3 …. But he decided to casually walk it to her, allowing the runner to get on. It was the double play that almost was. Sigh…but wait, the game ended on the next play so we win! We win! Final score 25 – 11. Arrrr we love our Nuts!
It is much better to give mercy than to receive it … trust us!!! Let’s celebrate with another pirate joke!
Two pirate ships were crossing the ocean, one with a booty of red paint and one with a booty of blue paint. What happened when the ships collided?
They were marooned…Arrrrrrr!
After a beer and burger break at the 49er Tavern…and by the way their burgers rock!
Nuts 3 take the field against the undefeated Longshots. We remember them from before and know we pirates have arrrrre work cut out for us…off we go yo-ho…Mike “Cap’n Rupert Ropeburn” McLean leads off and takes his base, Darryl “Cap’n Javier Sharkchum” Dearborn does the same…hey maybe all their pitchers will walk the plank too! Brian “Pirate Barney the Periwinkle” Lee singles and with the help of Meaghan “Pirate Agnes the Pink” and Jeanine “Cap’n Adele Buttscrape” we end the inning with 2. Work it Nuts…Work it!
We take the field…Brian makes the first catch for out number 1...then after a few long shots by the Longshots and a non-regulation bat issue (arrrrrr walk the plank, cheaters!) Darryl makes a catch for 2…then Brian to Norma “Disembowlin’ Ramona Drake” for the play at 1st makes it 3. I don’t really know Norma that well, but she complimented my headband once in the hallway so she seems nice. And she can play first. That hot! So the Longshots only managed 6 runs and we’re not worried…no-yo-ho!
Well…what can I say about the 2nd inning…how about we start with another pirate joke:
How much did the pirate pay for his peg leg and hook?
An arrrrrm and a leg!
Back to the game…after our round at bat we take the field for awhile…a long while I’m afraid…but some great things happened…Brian “We Be-Lee-Ve” Lee throws to Norma for out number 1, Rick “Sea Monkey Syd” makes a spectacular catch for out 2, and J-dawg “Cap’n Booker Saggingsails” makes it 3…who cares that the Longshots scored 22…hey…where’s Amy “Pirate Eve the Staggering Drunk”? Is she still chasing a fly ball? She gone! Hey Amy it’s not a ½ marathon! Come back!
When Amy gets back we start the 3rd…and hey…not so bad! Meaghan singles, Rick singles, and Ben “Slashin’ Elmer Dagger” singles, Robert “Cap’n Hannibal Deadweight” singles, and Raquel “Cap’n Darby Knockboots” takes her base…we score! Longshots are up and we hold them to 2 with some un-Be-Lee-Ve-able plays…now we’re kicking into gear…Brian “great catch” Lee swats the first fly, Mike throws to Brian for 2 and Gibby makes a great catch for 3…if we could play for like another hour we could catch them….they tired!
We take another stab at it Arrrrrrrrr…Mike singles, Darryl singles, Brian singles and Amy singles…we manage one more run before Blue calls the game! We end with a 25 – 4 score. Sounds like we need to lift the mood with another joke:
Why was the pirate shot by the prostitute?
Because he was singing "Yo Ho, Yo Ho!"
Great night everyone…special thanks to the fans who really made it fun! Everyone brush up on your baseball movie trivia for next week’s theme, “Baseball Movie Night” there will be prizes…and we LOVE prizes yo-ho!
Finally a few memorable quotes from the night:
“Wrap it up, we hungry” – Christine in response to the longest inning ever in game 1.
“We have never been on the receiving end of a Mercy” – Lori Redfearn, self-explanatory.
“That’s called talking shit when you can’t deliver” Sin-D…she funny!
“I love a switch-hitter” – CD to AP on well…the switch-hitting!
For the Stat collectors:
Number of Nuts home runs during the evening: 4
Number of Nuts doubles during the evening: 4
And how about the triples while we’re at it: 3
Final parting pirate jokes I couldn’t pass on:
What’s a pirate always looking for, even though it’s right behind him?
His booty!
Who's a pirate's favorite golfer?
TiGARRR! Why? Because he is always under pARRR!!
See…I really crack myself up…until next time then…yo-ho!
…So a pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head.
The Bartender asks, “Hey pirate, why you got a paper towel on your head?”
The pirate answers…“Arrrr I got a Bounty on me head…Arrrrr.”
Ahoy Mateys and welcome to Pirate Night if ye dare…thanks Lori and Patti for bringing everything a pirate could ask for, save the plank. And special props to Lori Redfearn for sporting the best darn pirate costume (complete with talking parrot) we’ve ever seen…you hot!
Now to the action…Game 1…we didn’t know what to expect at first since someone said these guys were undefeated … but that just can’t be! They have a guy in jeans out there! I mean, no way! We’ve got a chance…Nuts bat first…Steve “the new Pischer” AKA: “Cap’n Quincy Ropeburn” Stuhr leads off…he takes his base, then Duke “Tiny Hugo Slasher” Low rips a triple, Paul “Cap’n Argus Firecrotch” Santana doubles…Nuts are off to a great start with a 2 – 0 lead. I know, I know…let’s sing a round of Yo Ho a Pirate’s Life for Me the first of like a million rounds…drink up me ‘earties yo-ho!
Nuts to the field yo-ho…Duke makes the first out…I forget how but it was hot…Alex “Fartin’ Rupbert Slaughter” gets the second, and Duke again for the third…but the Village Idiots somehow tie it up…Arrrr walk the plank ye! Onward yo-ho!
Nuts bat again…get ready it’s about to get really good! Jose “Pirate Ezekiel the Sword Test Dummy” leads off with a single, Sin-D “Gorgeous Jackie Morgan” Cordova takes her base, Eustacio “Cap’n Harvey Greybeard” takes his base, Rebecca “Apathetic Adele Cutty” singles and then big gun Alex steps up and sends the Idiots spinning with a Bad News Bears triple…whoop that trick! Next up…the Monstuhr…he slams a another triple….Kara “Pirate Darby the Pale” hits a double and when the dust settles we’ve got our booty…7 runs! The Nuts are smokin’ hot…my pencil is smokin’ hot…and the fans are en fuego…the parrot is…well he fell off his perch we’ll just say. Even the catcher for the Village Idiot team pleaded “Can’t we just get a pirate out!?!??!”
Next round…Nuts take the field and it’s a quickie…which is good cause I would rather get back to the good stuff! Sue “Sword Jugglin’ Suzy” makes a great stop, throws to Kara for out number 1…KP makes out number 2 and Eustacio for 3. Great fielding Nuts…now on to more scoring.
Beats me who leads off…but I think it was Paul with a Home Run…we love those... Aye! Then Sue takes her base, Jose doubles and Eustacio singles…more please! Rebecca singles, Criselle “Butterfingers Alena” takes her base (you look hot! But let’s add some highlights to the hair for summer). Now the bases are loaded….I said Loaded….Loaded and here comes the Monstuhr!
Now…everyone reading this should probably sit down for this one…Nuts make history….the first Grand Slam ever…I mean we all go nuts….even the parrot! Grand slam…grand slam people!
Let’s take a break after that action to catch our breath…how about another pirate joke:
What do you call a hot girl pirate?
Aye Candy!
Back to the show…Kara keeps things going with a single, Duke slams another home run…pause…I said another home run! Monique “Tax Evadin’ Amy Bones” hits a single and we keep going…Paul feels left out…so he hits a home run all the way to the bushes! The other team can’t even find it! “Just call it a day,” says fan Judy Bothello (I know that’s not how you spell her last name, but I just like the idea of a name having the word ‘hello’ in it.) Sue takes her base, Jose singles, Sin-D takes her base, Eustacio singles and when its over we have 13 more runs and the Idiots have sent several pitchers to the plank!
Back to the field…Duke throws to Kara for out number 1, Monstuhr makes a “Pischeresque” catch for 2 – his glove never even touches the ground! Holla! -- and Duke makes another great catch for 3…we hold the Idiots…and the score at the end of the 3rd (the longest inning ever) is 22-2…we have the 22 by the way…is it OK that I feel bad for the Idiots at this point? Or maybe I just know how that kind of annihilation feels!
Our turn for more…I think we tired! But like Dick Clark (or was it Casey Kasem?) said, the hits just keep on comin’! Switch-hitting Alex leads off with a double, Steve makes it a single, and Kara doubles…Duke keeps it going with one of those hits he eyes like a juicy meatball and then does that little skip thing as the ball makes its way to him…kind of like Happy Gilmore before he smashed the hell out of a golf ball and we pick up 3 more runs…Mercy, Mercy me...right? Hey Blue, where is that Mercy call?
Well something wakes up the Idiots in the 4th because they manage to pick up 8 runs. We won’t go into the details except to say that Criselle made the stop of the game…she ain’t no “Butterfingers,” she hot! We fans are getting’ hungry and want some Grog so wrap it up Nuts, wrap it up! They decide allowing 8 runs is enough and Duke “nice flip” Low puts it to bed. The game would have been over earlier if Alex “brain fart” Porter, Mr. “I’m not the manager so I’m not going to keep track of how many outs there are” threw to kara for out number 3 …. But he decided to casually walk it to her, allowing the runner to get on. It was the double play that almost was. Sigh…but wait, the game ended on the next play so we win! We win! Final score 25 – 11. Arrrr we love our Nuts!
It is much better to give mercy than to receive it … trust us!!! Let’s celebrate with another pirate joke!
Two pirate ships were crossing the ocean, one with a booty of red paint and one with a booty of blue paint. What happened when the ships collided?
They were marooned…Arrrrrrr!
After a beer and burger break at the 49er Tavern…and by the way their burgers rock!
Nuts 3 take the field against the undefeated Longshots. We remember them from before and know we pirates have arrrrre work cut out for us…off we go yo-ho…Mike “Cap’n Rupert Ropeburn” McLean leads off and takes his base, Darryl “Cap’n Javier Sharkchum” Dearborn does the same…hey maybe all their pitchers will walk the plank too! Brian “Pirate Barney the Periwinkle” Lee singles and with the help of Meaghan “Pirate Agnes the Pink” and Jeanine “Cap’n Adele Buttscrape” we end the inning with 2. Work it Nuts…Work it!
We take the field…Brian makes the first catch for out number 1...then after a few long shots by the Longshots and a non-regulation bat issue (arrrrrr walk the plank, cheaters!) Darryl makes a catch for 2…then Brian to Norma “Disembowlin’ Ramona Drake” for the play at 1st makes it 3. I don’t really know Norma that well, but she complimented my headband once in the hallway so she seems nice. And she can play first. That hot! So the Longshots only managed 6 runs and we’re not worried…no-yo-ho!
Well…what can I say about the 2nd inning…how about we start with another pirate joke:
How much did the pirate pay for his peg leg and hook?
An arrrrrm and a leg!
Back to the game…after our round at bat we take the field for awhile…a long while I’m afraid…but some great things happened…Brian “We Be-Lee-Ve” Lee throws to Norma for out number 1, Rick “Sea Monkey Syd” makes a spectacular catch for out 2, and J-dawg “Cap’n Booker Saggingsails” makes it 3…who cares that the Longshots scored 22…hey…where’s Amy “Pirate Eve the Staggering Drunk”? Is she still chasing a fly ball? She gone! Hey Amy it’s not a ½ marathon! Come back!
When Amy gets back we start the 3rd…and hey…not so bad! Meaghan singles, Rick singles, and Ben “Slashin’ Elmer Dagger” singles, Robert “Cap’n Hannibal Deadweight” singles, and Raquel “Cap’n Darby Knockboots” takes her base…we score! Longshots are up and we hold them to 2 with some un-Be-Lee-Ve-able plays…now we’re kicking into gear…Brian “great catch” Lee swats the first fly, Mike throws to Brian for 2 and Gibby makes a great catch for 3…if we could play for like another hour we could catch them….they tired!
We take another stab at it Arrrrrrrrr…Mike singles, Darryl singles, Brian singles and Amy singles…we manage one more run before Blue calls the game! We end with a 25 – 4 score. Sounds like we need to lift the mood with another joke:
Why was the pirate shot by the prostitute?
Because he was singing "Yo Ho, Yo Ho!"
Great night everyone…special thanks to the fans who really made it fun! Everyone brush up on your baseball movie trivia for next week’s theme, “Baseball Movie Night” there will be prizes…and we LOVE prizes yo-ho!
Finally a few memorable quotes from the night:
“Wrap it up, we hungry” – Christine in response to the longest inning ever in game 1.
“We have never been on the receiving end of a Mercy” – Lori Redfearn, self-explanatory.
“That’s called talking shit when you can’t deliver” Sin-D…she funny!
“I love a switch-hitter” – CD to AP on well…the switch-hitting!
For the Stat collectors:
Number of Nuts home runs during the evening: 4
Number of Nuts doubles during the evening: 4
And how about the triples while we’re at it: 3
Final parting pirate jokes I couldn’t pass on:
What’s a pirate always looking for, even though it’s right behind him?
His booty!
Who's a pirate's favorite golfer?
TiGARRR! Why? Because he is always under pARRR!!
See…I really crack myself up…until next time then…yo-ho!
posted by Caron at 2:44 PM
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