Dukeless, Themeless, and 40 Fricken Below
by Caron “Edit-Now-or-Else” Oberg and Rebecca “Munchkin-Peanut-Gallery” Stuhr
Break up the Lacrosse game its time for some softball…but dang….it’s cold! In fact…it was soooo cold (cue the “How cold was it?”) our Nuts had to wear so many layers of clothing…that if they fell down…they had to stay there until somebody found them…and rolled them across home plate! Yep…I predict this blog will be riddled with bad weather jokes…only read on if you dare!
Now…let’s play ball…So after a discussion between Rebecca and I…we realize we are playing Superior…I guess it was their shirts that gave them away…right Beccs? (and Rebecca says: I don’t know, Caron, they might be Superior, but further research needs to be done. Couldn’t say just yet…)
Anyway…enough inside jokes…off we go…we take the field first and set the tone early with Steve to Staci for 1…Bill to Staci for 2…and Bill to Staci for 3…We hold the Superiors to 1 very measly run and now it’s our turn.
Dang…it is soooo cold! It is so cold that Amy’s “Diet Coke” was the only thing not frozen…wink-wink! (oh, I was wondering about that, says Rebecca)
Thaw out Nuts (Caron, you dirty girl)…You’re up…Paul gets us going with a slamming single…KP…poor, frozen KP…heats things up with a nice single…and Bill…aims for the Lacrosse players with a triple…he brings home 2 runs…takes out 2 players…and we end the inning ahead by 1…we take the field…slowly…like we’re in the South Pole or something…work it Nuts…work it!
Top o’ the 2…Sue sets the tone with a throw to Staci at 1st for 1…Then Jose…happy to be in the hot corner…makes a nice line drive catch for 2…and then Steve to Staci for 3…Superior only score 1 run and we have a 2 – 2 ball game…we start to notice that these Not so Superiors hit a lot of foul balls…so we implement the Foul Ball-o-Meter (follow it along below)…Nuts head in to bat…
Dang…It is soooo f-ing cold (watch your tongue! language – language!)…it is so cold that we in the stands we’re starting to fear that Hell WAS actually freezing over! And, then Rebecca started to sing. And, then Lori E. started to glare. And, then… and then…
Foul Ball-o-Meter: 4
We’ll pause for station identification here…cause the bottom of the 2nd was…well it was…over quickly…we think it was because of the confused polar bear that showed up thinking he was at home in the Arctic…(are you sure it wasn’t one of those munchkin lacrosse players out there? I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore…) but no biggie…he hopped on the ice flow and disappeared…back to the action…I mean after the is Zamboni finished that is…
Top of the 3rd…Bill throws to Staci for 1…Steve makes a strike-out for 2…and Steve makes a great line-drive catch for 3…that took care of his frostbite problem…and a couple of fingers to boot! That’s Hot! Hey….what does the Foul Ball-o-Meter say?
Foul Ball-o-Meter: 6
Oh…and yes…It is still freezing cold…I can no longer feel my face (and I usually say that for a different reason!)…In fact…It is soooo cold…that a spitball could kill ya! Turn on the heater and let’s bat… (Caron, there is no heater, just my singing … ehem. Yodeling, too. Oh thank god Darryl is here!)
Steve with a few less fingers is up (don’t care, still love him)…he slams a single…Staci also slams a single…and Paul provides the comic relief with a stand-up double…ooh yeah the runs are starting to come in! KP is on with a single…for awhile anyway…then Bill slams a double…and we have 3 more runs…we’re up by 2…hold em’ cold Nuts…hold em’!
Top of the 4th…Squatter-girl makes her debut…remember her? She liked to squat at each base for some reason…I thought is was some new fangled way of keeping warm…but no…We just don’t get it…anyway…she gets caught in quite the little pickle doesn’t she?! Jose…who is all hot in the hot corner and Steve “I don’t have frostbite” Stuhr work her into mass confusion and…ha…she out…take that back to the dugout and squat on it! That was so much fun to watch…more please! Bill throws to Staci for 2…and Jose…in the hot corner…makes another great catch for 3! Hot…our turn! But wait…one more look at the Foul Ball-o-Meter…
Foul Ball-o-Meter: 8
And…let’s get it over with…how cold was it? It was soooo cold that people were doing bad things just to go to, well, you know - that fire and brimstone place. (Yodel-lei-heeee…. yodel-lei-he-he….)
To the bottom…it’s a close game…5 – 4 now…stay warm and punch it! Jose “Every time” leads off…Smack…home run! Like I said…Every time! Derek slams a single…Steve slams a single…and we have 2 more runs…time to take the field…Hot hot hot hot hot…oohhh it feels good just saying it!
Paul and Sue make this “oh so close” almost out at 2nd play….and since we are the glass is half full kind of crowd (that’s a glass of frozen icey hell by the way…it’s cold!) we cheer our heads off! Then Steve throws to Staci for 1…Bill makes a really hot catch for 2…and then Steve makes a strike-out…looking…for 3…Hot! I usually can’t hear Blue call any plays…especially over my chattering teeth…but he did say STRIKE on that one! (strike that, baby. sorry, peanut gallery hadn’t pooped in for awhile.)
Foul Ball-o-Meter: 11 (Eleven, what’s wrong with them – can’t play? can’t hit! Previously on … Survivor.)
Our turn…score is 8 – 7…we need some runs…Paul leads off…he slams a double…then KP…she’s on with a single…then Bill steps up…he can like totally win this thing right now…and stop the onset of hypothermia…Whack…Home Run…tying run…winning run…and the softball is somewhere out there wedged in a glacier…Nuts beat Superior 8 – 10…and that’s 1st place baby! HOT!
So how about another softball game…I know I know…it’s still cold…but Amy is sharing her “Diet Coke” with me…so I’m getting warmer and happier as time goes on…Darryl’s Nuts will be playing the Rook’S….with a big “S” tonight…rumor has it Double D will be buying the 1st round if there is a win tonight…let’s see how it unfolds shall we…
Nuts take the field…Double D starts things off with a strike! Then Randy throws to Meaghan for 1…and Mike makes an awesome “have mercy” catch for 3…Rook’S only manage 2 runs…and we seem unaffected by the cold temperature…either that or everyone is having some “Diet Coke” in that there ding-dang-diddly-doo-dugout…hmmmm…where’s Amy?
Our turn at bat…Rebecca and I decide to retire the Foul Ball-o-Meter in favor of our new Randy-o-Meter…every time he makes a play…the meter ticks! Off we go…Randy leads off…and what the!? Grounds out?! Inconceivable! Did I really just see that? (we’re not gonna take it! NO! we ain’t gonna take it! we’re not gonna take it anymore……….) How about a little ralley or something…Theresa is on with a single…the Cleaner slams a double…Mike the New Alex doubles…Coconut singles….Brian We-Be-Lee-Ve doubles…Meaghan singles…J-Dawg doubles…Mindy the new Amy singles and Double D does something…sorry that’s about where my pencil broke…hold please while I reload…then Randy redeems himself with a triple…Theresa slams another single…and after the frost settles we have a whopping 10 runs…It’s getting hot in here! Pass the “Diet Coke” and have mercy!
We take the ice…randy makes the first play to Meaghan at 1st for 1…Double D gets a strike-out for 2…and repeat…Randy to Meaghan for 3! The Rook’S manage to get nothing and we head in to bat with an 8-point lead…Let’s check the Randometer…
Randometer: 3
Bottom of the 2nd…the Cleaner leads off with a single…Mike takes his base…Coconut is en fuego with another single…and then there’s Brian…who makes us Be-lee-ve in anything…I choose to believe it’s 80 degrees outside…and he slams a home run…excuse me…HOME RUN! We have 3 more runs and the Rook’S are lookin broken!
We take the field…Randy to Meaghan for 1…Randy to Meaghan for 2…and Randy makes a great catch for 3…hey…has anyone seen Randy? I thought he was playing this inning…oh well…my bad. To the meter…
Randometer: 6
Bottom of the 3rd…J-Dawg leads off…I find myself distracted by his haute couture socks…we pause so all can marvel at his fashion sense…note who his designer is…and covet a pair of our own…then…smack…J-Dawg is on with a double…Theresa slams a double…Double D doubles…Randy like totally hits a home run…and Cleaner triples! That’s 4 more runs! Can we just call this a game now? Blue? Anyone? Anyone?
We take the field…Rook’S get another shot at it…but we shut them down! Randy throws to Meaghan for 1…Mike the New Alex makes a great catch for 2…and Randy makes a great catch for 3…we check the meter…
Randometer: 9
Bottom of the 4th…the score is 4 – 17…so we take this inning off…throw some snowballs…go skating…shoot goals…make snow angles…go dog sledding…and avoid yellow snow…before taking the field again…for the final time…holla!
This is the inning of Mindy…the new Amy…she makes a great catch for out number 1…then Mindy to Meaghan for out number 2…and Double D gets a strike out for 3…and like we actually get to bat again! Oh…no change to the Randometer after the lady Nuts take over…
So here it is…3 outs away from the 49er Tavern…Theresa leads off with a single…Coconut takes her base…J-Dawg “Socks” Ahearn doubles…Double D singles…and we have 1 more run to brag about…that’s game…4 – 19 is the final…Double D…get your wallet out…and cue the Zamboni!
A few stats for our frozen fans:
Number of really great catches at 1st by Meaghan: 7
Number of really great catches at 1st by Staci: 8
Total Strike-outs: 5
Home runs: 3
Triples: 3
Doubles: 11
Singles: 17
Number of Reindeer sightings: 3
Total fingers lost to frostbite: 4
See you all next week at the Nuts vs Nuts rematch…this is high stakes people…don’t miss it! Now...how does one thaw out around here?!
Break up the Lacrosse game its time for some softball…but dang….it’s cold! In fact…it was soooo cold (cue the “How cold was it?”) our Nuts had to wear so many layers of clothing…that if they fell down…they had to stay there until somebody found them…and rolled them across home plate! Yep…I predict this blog will be riddled with bad weather jokes…only read on if you dare!
Now…let’s play ball…So after a discussion between Rebecca and I…we realize we are playing Superior…I guess it was their shirts that gave them away…right Beccs? (and Rebecca says: I don’t know, Caron, they might be Superior, but further research needs to be done. Couldn’t say just yet…)
Anyway…enough inside jokes…off we go…we take the field first and set the tone early with Steve to Staci for 1…Bill to Staci for 2…and Bill to Staci for 3…We hold the Superiors to 1 very measly run and now it’s our turn.
Dang…it is soooo cold! It is so cold that Amy’s “Diet Coke” was the only thing not frozen…wink-wink! (oh, I was wondering about that, says Rebecca)
Thaw out Nuts (Caron, you dirty girl)…You’re up…Paul gets us going with a slamming single…KP…poor, frozen KP…heats things up with a nice single…and Bill…aims for the Lacrosse players with a triple…he brings home 2 runs…takes out 2 players…and we end the inning ahead by 1…we take the field…slowly…like we’re in the South Pole or something…work it Nuts…work it!
Top o’ the 2…Sue sets the tone with a throw to Staci at 1st for 1…Then Jose…happy to be in the hot corner…makes a nice line drive catch for 2…and then Steve to Staci for 3…Superior only score 1 run and we have a 2 – 2 ball game…we start to notice that these Not so Superiors hit a lot of foul balls…so we implement the Foul Ball-o-Meter (follow it along below)…Nuts head in to bat…
Dang…It is soooo f-ing cold (watch your tongue! language – language!)…it is so cold that we in the stands we’re starting to fear that Hell WAS actually freezing over! And, then Rebecca started to sing. And, then Lori E. started to glare. And, then… and then…
Foul Ball-o-Meter: 4
We’ll pause for station identification here…cause the bottom of the 2nd was…well it was…over quickly…we think it was because of the confused polar bear that showed up thinking he was at home in the Arctic…(are you sure it wasn’t one of those munchkin lacrosse players out there? I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore…) but no biggie…he hopped on the ice flow and disappeared…back to the action…I mean after the is Zamboni finished that is…
Top of the 3rd…Bill throws to Staci for 1…Steve makes a strike-out for 2…and Steve makes a great line-drive catch for 3…that took care of his frostbite problem…and a couple of fingers to boot! That’s Hot! Hey….what does the Foul Ball-o-Meter say?
Foul Ball-o-Meter: 6
Oh…and yes…It is still freezing cold…I can no longer feel my face (and I usually say that for a different reason!)…In fact…It is soooo cold…that a spitball could kill ya! Turn on the heater and let’s bat… (Caron, there is no heater, just my singing … ehem. Yodeling, too. Oh thank god Darryl is here!)
Steve with a few less fingers is up (don’t care, still love him)…he slams a single…Staci also slams a single…and Paul provides the comic relief with a stand-up double…ooh yeah the runs are starting to come in! KP is on with a single…for awhile anyway…then Bill slams a double…and we have 3 more runs…we’re up by 2…hold em’ cold Nuts…hold em’!
Top of the 4th…Squatter-girl makes her debut…remember her? She liked to squat at each base for some reason…I thought is was some new fangled way of keeping warm…but no…We just don’t get it…anyway…she gets caught in quite the little pickle doesn’t she?! Jose…who is all hot in the hot corner and Steve “I don’t have frostbite” Stuhr work her into mass confusion and…ha…she out…take that back to the dugout and squat on it! That was so much fun to watch…more please! Bill throws to Staci for 2…and Jose…in the hot corner…makes another great catch for 3! Hot…our turn! But wait…one more look at the Foul Ball-o-Meter…
Foul Ball-o-Meter: 8
And…let’s get it over with…how cold was it? It was soooo cold that people were doing bad things just to go to, well, you know - that fire and brimstone place. (Yodel-lei-heeee…. yodel-lei-he-he….)
To the bottom…it’s a close game…5 – 4 now…stay warm and punch it! Jose “Every time” leads off…Smack…home run! Like I said…Every time! Derek slams a single…Steve slams a single…and we have 2 more runs…time to take the field…Hot hot hot hot hot…oohhh it feels good just saying it!
Paul and Sue make this “oh so close” almost out at 2nd play….and since we are the glass is half full kind of crowd (that’s a glass of frozen icey hell by the way…it’s cold!) we cheer our heads off! Then Steve throws to Staci for 1…Bill makes a really hot catch for 2…and then Steve makes a strike-out…looking…for 3…Hot! I usually can’t hear Blue call any plays…especially over my chattering teeth…but he did say STRIKE on that one! (strike that, baby. sorry, peanut gallery hadn’t pooped in for awhile.)
Foul Ball-o-Meter: 11 (Eleven, what’s wrong with them – can’t play? can’t hit! Previously on … Survivor.)
Our turn…score is 8 – 7…we need some runs…Paul leads off…he slams a double…then KP…she’s on with a single…then Bill steps up…he can like totally win this thing right now…and stop the onset of hypothermia…Whack…Home Run…tying run…winning run…and the softball is somewhere out there wedged in a glacier…Nuts beat Superior 8 – 10…and that’s 1st place baby! HOT!
So how about another softball game…I know I know…it’s still cold…but Amy is sharing her “Diet Coke” with me…so I’m getting warmer and happier as time goes on…Darryl’s Nuts will be playing the Rook’S….with a big “S” tonight…rumor has it Double D will be buying the 1st round if there is a win tonight…let’s see how it unfolds shall we…
Nuts take the field…Double D starts things off with a strike! Then Randy throws to Meaghan for 1…and Mike makes an awesome “have mercy” catch for 3…Rook’S only manage 2 runs…and we seem unaffected by the cold temperature…either that or everyone is having some “Diet Coke” in that there ding-dang-diddly-doo-dugout…hmmmm…where’s Amy?
Our turn at bat…Rebecca and I decide to retire the Foul Ball-o-Meter in favor of our new Randy-o-Meter…every time he makes a play…the meter ticks! Off we go…Randy leads off…and what the!? Grounds out?! Inconceivable! Did I really just see that? (we’re not gonna take it! NO! we ain’t gonna take it! we’re not gonna take it anymore……….) How about a little ralley or something…Theresa is on with a single…the Cleaner slams a double…Mike the New Alex doubles…Coconut singles….Brian We-Be-Lee-Ve doubles…Meaghan singles…J-Dawg doubles…Mindy the new Amy singles and Double D does something…sorry that’s about where my pencil broke…hold please while I reload…then Randy redeems himself with a triple…Theresa slams another single…and after the frost settles we have a whopping 10 runs…It’s getting hot in here! Pass the “Diet Coke” and have mercy!
We take the ice…randy makes the first play to Meaghan at 1st for 1…Double D gets a strike-out for 2…and repeat…Randy to Meaghan for 3! The Rook’S manage to get nothing and we head in to bat with an 8-point lead…Let’s check the Randometer…
Randometer: 3
Bottom of the 2nd…the Cleaner leads off with a single…Mike takes his base…Coconut is en fuego with another single…and then there’s Brian…who makes us Be-lee-ve in anything…I choose to believe it’s 80 degrees outside…and he slams a home run…excuse me…HOME RUN! We have 3 more runs and the Rook’S are lookin broken!
We take the field…Randy to Meaghan for 1…Randy to Meaghan for 2…and Randy makes a great catch for 3…hey…has anyone seen Randy? I thought he was playing this inning…oh well…my bad. To the meter…
Randometer: 6
Bottom of the 3rd…J-Dawg leads off…I find myself distracted by his haute couture socks…we pause so all can marvel at his fashion sense…note who his designer is…and covet a pair of our own…then…smack…J-Dawg is on with a double…Theresa slams a double…Double D doubles…Randy like totally hits a home run…and Cleaner triples! That’s 4 more runs! Can we just call this a game now? Blue? Anyone? Anyone?
We take the field…Rook’S get another shot at it…but we shut them down! Randy throws to Meaghan for 1…Mike the New Alex makes a great catch for 2…and Randy makes a great catch for 3…we check the meter…
Randometer: 9
Bottom of the 4th…the score is 4 – 17…so we take this inning off…throw some snowballs…go skating…shoot goals…make snow angles…go dog sledding…and avoid yellow snow…before taking the field again…for the final time…holla!
This is the inning of Mindy…the new Amy…she makes a great catch for out number 1…then Mindy to Meaghan for out number 2…and Double D gets a strike out for 3…and like we actually get to bat again! Oh…no change to the Randometer after the lady Nuts take over…
So here it is…3 outs away from the 49er Tavern…Theresa leads off with a single…Coconut takes her base…J-Dawg “Socks” Ahearn doubles…Double D singles…and we have 1 more run to brag about…that’s game…4 – 19 is the final…Double D…get your wallet out…and cue the Zamboni!
A few stats for our frozen fans:
Number of really great catches at 1st by Meaghan: 7
Number of really great catches at 1st by Staci: 8
Total Strike-outs: 5
Home runs: 3
Triples: 3
Doubles: 11
Singles: 17
Number of Reindeer sightings: 3
Total fingers lost to frostbite: 4
See you all next week at the Nuts vs Nuts rematch…this is high stakes people…don’t miss it! Now...how does one thaw out around here?!
posted by Caron at 9:01 AM
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