By Rebecca Long
Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees. -
David LettermanWelcome back ‘Nuts fans! We’ve missed you during our little hiatus from the field. Over the last few months, some amazing things have happened in the world of softball. Here is a short recap:
…First of all, the reason I’m writing this is because Caron is now a prominent activist on the feminist frontlines, making appearances on the
Ellen DeGeneres Show in her spare time.
…Bud Selig pressed for a formal inquiry into the Longshots season, and it was released just yesterday that there was in fact steroid use among the players and they have officially been suspended without jello-shots of any kind. No theme night for you!
…Another ‘Nuts sports league has started up. Make sure to tune into the next
World Series of Poker on ESPN. Anything goes if Sue Westover will bring the Mexican food and booze – ‘Nuts poker players are also rumored to be arriving to the games in style – via boat!
…
Speedstick has created a new line of deodorant called “The Duke.” It’s gaining popularity as men around the globe are learning that it is not embarrassing to discuss perspiration issues (Caron has also helped them form a support group. Their motto? “I don’t know why I was so nervous!”).
…Alex Porter and Jose Baldonado made plans to share a hospital room and trade war stories of Summer Season ’06.
…Steve Stuhr was caught in the off-season charging for his truck in the parking lot of Target, but someone from Club Fed got in his way so Steve hugged him to death. He got out of jail on account that he was getting married. The Cop’ers got a soft spot for a man betrothed! We ain’t afraid of no Po-Po!
…
Guinness Book of World Records got in touch with Robert. He is now in the book for “Shouting ‘Raise Your Hand if You Scored” more than any man alive.”
Now, onto our season opener(s):
Game #1 – The Rooks v. Nuts-3
With excitement in the cold, October air, the ‘Nuts were up to bat first. Once we chipped a little rust off our batting gloves, the next thing we knew we were up 3-0. Thanks to Randy, Raquel, and Darryl for finding your way home in this first inning… You set the pace! Way to Go!
We looked great in the outfield, like we’d been practicing in the off-season! First pitch by Darryl was a strike! Robert, former ‘Nut’ who is taking the season off for “personal reasons,” (I think trying to see what other Guinness records he can smash) shouted, “There you go! 26 more like that!” The next hit directly to Teresa at shortstop for the ‘Nuts first out! Way to Go! Darryl ran to catch the next hit and boom! 2nd out! Somebody got on second, someone got home, but the point is that we stopped ‘em and we were up to bat again! Score: 3:1.
The top of the 2nd was just as exciting as the first, with help from Darryl’s home run, and Eustacio (aka Jason), Jeanne, Mike, and Raquel (stay tuned, she’s not done yet!), we were up now 8:1.
Teresa’s now in left field and we can tell this is a good position for her! The first hit comes soaring out to her (oh, a “girl” in left field), but she doesn’t flinch and gets it right to short stop to stop the play. The next hit was thrown to Raquel for the first out at second. And, what’s this? A second out? Oh, an intentional drop. Now… wait for it… wait for it… our first pickle of the season! With Mike at third and Raquel at second, who knows what will happen. With ball in hand, Mike goes chasing after the runner who is now bolting back straight toward Raquel. Mike can’t catch him so he lobs the ball to Raquel. Raquel makes the tag! It’s over folks! Out # 3! Way to Go! We’re up again! Score: 8:4.
This was a short inning, not sure what happened. Maybe we needed a little breather. But, Brian got home and we scored another point. 9-4.
But, if you thought that was short… you ever heard the one where the short stop throws to first (1st out) and then the pitcher throws to first (2nd out), and then a pop fly gets caught by the third baseman (3rd out)? Well, to make a long story short, the score’s still 9:4. Way to Go!
Now, this next inning was long. Everyone got up at least once, and I’ll give you as many highlights as I can, but this is also the inning that the Nuts-2 new t-shirts showed up. And, I think you know why my attention was split a bit. But, this inning included a lovely little square dance, so I want to make sure to highlight that. Mike was up first and got on base. With the help of an overthrow, Randy made it to second at his up to bat. …This is where I kind of tuned out when I saw the new shirt design… But, I snapped back to attention just in time to see Amy hit a pop fly and then kind of dance around it as she skipped with her eyes locked up on the ball toward first base. Turns out it was a foul, but she hit it again and made it on base. Eustacio, Jeanne, Mike, Teresa, everyone got on base again. At the end of the inning, I had 11, but blue had 10. I went with his score (you know, on account of the new shirts). So, score: 19:4. Way to Go!
Last inning, folks. Sure the other team hit a double and then a single, and someone got home. But, did you see Randy running to 2nd for out # 2 and then throwing to first for a double out? That’s ballgame folks! Way to Go! Final score: 19:4 (but I think it’s 19:5. Ugh. The t-shirt-theory again).
Great game, Nuts-3! Yah looked great!
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Game #2 Superior v. Nuts-2
With the new t-shirts on and long sleeves under that (the temperature’s dropped a little more by now… and it’s only October! I’m a wimp and wearing a wool jacket and wool cap – but it says “Big Sur” on it… oh, how cute!), the ‘Nuts’ are up first!
Steve steps up to the plate. Doesn’t my new hubbie look dapper in his new shirt? How becoming - How handsome - How perfect. … Oh, do I digress? Okay, Stuhr’s up to bat. Stuhr’s on first base. Looks like we’re off to a good start. And, yes, I drew a heart on my scorecard next to his name. Trust me, this is noteworthy (considering the obscenities that were coming out of my mouth a little bit later). Staci’s power hit brought Steve home. Duke’s up – in his new shirt – and slams a triple! Duke! Way to Go…LD! Kara and Derek get on base next. Cindy’s up next, and I might believe in her, but the other team missed the mark, ‘cause they overthrew the ball to first and next thing we all knew, Kara and Derek charged for home. Paul’s hit prompted the crowd (made almost exclusively up of Nuts-2 players) to scream, “Go! Go! Go! Go! Go….LD!” We had a great inning and starting the game with a 6 run lead.
Jorge’s pitching and looking good! Some weird-o at short stop decided to do a double pirouette and then in mid-air bullets the ball four feet above Kara’s head at first (oh, but do I digress?). And, even a guy on the other team hit 3 foul balls right at us innocent, little fans almost squishing our innocent, little heads, we had a great ending to the inning when Steve (wait, is he playing short stop?), recovers from dropping a ball and throws to Staci at second for the 3rd out! Way to Go…LD! The Score: 6:2.
I’m going to pass on writing about the top of the 2nd inning. It wasn’t the greatest. And, if we count the bottom of the second that would mean the score is now 6-6. I blame it on the shirts.
But, Here we gooooold – we’re up again and ready for some action. We look good and Paul and Jose find their way home making the score now 8:6.
Running back out there, we now see Stuhr as pitcher. Quick inning. I credit the shirts. Stacie made a great catch for out # 1. And, with a combination Stuhr-Duke-Kara, we’ve got three outs and are up again. Score: 8:7.
Jorge’s up first. He’s raring to go with his rested arm, but the pitcher’s scared and walks him. After verifying with Blue that Jorge’s AARP card is valid, Derek jumps in and runs for him. Dianna psyches out everyone and makes her hit a double. Jorge (Derek), Duke, and Cindy make it home… Way to Go…LD! The score is now 11:7.
Not too tired and not even cold, we head back out into the outfield. And, it’s another quick one. Duke catches a fly ball for the first out. And then another out. And, then – not sure if this was discussed at all… but let me all fill you in on the guy that Stuhr pissed off and who is now up to bat: A few innings back, Steve slid into third and “cleated” the third baseman. I guess the guy was still upset because he came up to bat on a M.I.S.S.I.O.N. Stuhr throws a good pitch and this guy swings for the stars, and probably would have taken out the FedEx plane going overhead, but he totally missed. Huge strike! Then he does it again. Huge second strike. And, that’s our third out. Way to Go…LD! The score is still 11:7.
We’re up. We score nada. Stupid softball rules. But, we make do.
Last inning. And, it was very exciting. Stuhr struck a guy out, one more out after that. Then this weird thing happened… the other team got a look at our new shirts and realized that we had a weakness: Our teamwork failed only to the point where we couldn’t compromise if we were the Golden Nuts or the Solid Gold Nuts and we let three runs in. And, before Dionne Warwick had a chance to weigh in with her favorite, the winning run made it in and the final score was 11:12.
A hard loss, but we looked solidly golden! A really, really good game versus “Superior” – who Kara roots us on: was not.
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Welcome all the new players to this glorious fall season… Teresa, Staci, Derek, and Susana… and welcome back Marydale!
Have a great season everyone… and be nice to each other next week. Goooooooooooo(LD) Nuts!!!
